Saturday, February 19, 2011
Your Hands
I know that I have shared this video a few times... the first time was last year when I was experiencing death through my family... and now with my Jude's passing it has even more meaning for me. There are so many unanswered prayers that I have. I know that they aren't actually unanswered, it is just that I do not see my path yet... I don't know the purpose of these life lessons. I am trying to open my eyes to what this is supposed to teach me, the person I should become because of this. The worst thing of all would be to let this lesson pass me by and not give Jude the credit for existing and touching my heart. I saw a quote somewhere that said something like- I never got to hold you but I will always know your soul...
I am so thankful for my mom right now. She experienced a still birth when I was younger and I knew the pain was deep then. Our family shares so much and we talk of our sister Talitha frequently. She would be 26 now. But there is no way to know how deep the grief runs until it is your body, your emotions, your fight. It is so great to have mom support with the actual comprehension of the hurt. I don't know what I would do without the ability to call her and just talk... a lot.... over and over about how I'm feeling.
I have so many good friends that have supported me and loved me through this time. I feel so grateful for each person that has touched my life and given me perspective. People from places that I would never expect have reached out and it is comforting to see LOVE in so many ways. I am healing. My body feels more like the one I once knew, my heart's roller coaster is not as drastic and my tears are less heaving... it is good to feel each step of this process... it helps me remember it and chart it in my heart's empathy for others.
Through this process I have found it hard to form the words of prayer, for whatever reason that was too painful for me. The only prayer I could muster was the vision of God holding me, comforting me as his child. Maybe that is why this song speaks so vividly to my heart.
when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands.
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2 comments:
Oh, that song is so beautiful! What a blessing and how invaluable your mom is right now, with her perspective and comfort. How wonderful to know that although you don't know why this had to happen, you know that your Father in Heaven loves you more than our brains can process and that through him your heart can be healed again. I love you and you are always in my prayers.
Hi Abby, this is Scott and Krystal, we are so sorry to hear about your loss. We noticed your blog on Jaylene's blogsite and decided to see how you were doing. I wanted to tell you that even though we have not been in touch in a very long time we are thinking of you and praying for you and your husband. I (Krystal) love JJ Heller and this is one of my favorites, as it has helped me through some hard times and the loss of loved ones as well. I am glad it has comforted you. May the God of peace and love be with you and upon you, so that you know without a doubt that he is there and will never leave! Blessings on you Abby!
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