All Things Holiday....

This has been a fun holiday season for Mike and I as this is the first one in our own house, doing all the things we have always looked forward to doing as a family. We opted to do Thanksgiving by ourselves this year given my short time off of work and the lovely (very snowy) Colorado weather. We wanted a time to just be together, hone our cooking skills before the whole gang gets here for Christmas and to reflect on how truly thankful we are to have one another during this season. Last year was such a hard holiday season and we wanted to spend some time being grateful for one more year together and praying for our family members that were lost just one year ago. This time of year will forever be tender in my heart...
Thanksgiving was wonderful and my food turned out really well! I was so excited to have things really taste good as I am still learning how to cook from scratch and make things as natural as possible. The rosemary turkey with bay leaf and onion was amazing and I will do it again for Christmas and my (not so natural but very tasty and easy) pumpkin pie cheesecake was delicious.
I am a big advocate for NOT starting the Christmas celebrations until after Thanksgiving is OVER! I love Turkey Day so much and a lot of its thunder is stolen by premature Christmas celebrations. That being said, once Thanksgiving is done, I am in full speed Christmas mode. I have been wanting the Willow Tree nativity set for a few years now. I love its simplicity and humble stillness that I think is exactly what the nativity represents. Mike surprised me by getting me the basic set as we were out shopping as a way to build on it each year. It is my favorite thing in our home and it takes center stage on our mantle. We had a lovely weekend just shopping, cooking, laughing and decorating... I am so lucky to have someone I love so much and have so much fun with. We also wanted to continue our tradition of going out to cut down our own tree. As we didn't really celebrate the holidays last year, this was our first opportunity to do it here in CO... hahaha what a difference! Colorado tree farms are just someone's land that you walk out and see if you can find a bush that somewhat resembles a tree. It was hilarious! We finally gave in and went to a nursery for ours and it turned out beautifully. Mike worked extremely hard putting up our outside lights this year and I am really proud of him as they turned out really well! So here are the pictures of our holiday adventures- we have had a few really lovely weekends together getting our cute little house in the Christmas spirit. Happy Holidays everyone!

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Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad...... WEEK

So, if you are having an extra happy, super positive kind of week, warning, you may want to stop reading now because I am not and I would hate to spoil anyone else's mood....
That being said... THIS HAS BEEN A TERRIBLE WEEK. I know that it is only Wednesday but I am kinda counting the end of last week, the weekend and the beginning of this week as a cumulative "one week". I don't always like to vent on the blog because I feel that it is just a snapshot of my life and I hate for it to be negative or for people to see me as a generally unhappy person... because I am not. But in the interest of being genuinely true to what the "snapshot" of this shotty week might look like, this is just plain HONEST. My job is hard. You all know this. No need to drag you through last year to understand the workload. This year is better, I have a boss that listens and backs me. Even though I know no job is perfect... I am frustrated with the lack of ambition, accountability and work ethic that people can have. Maybe I was raised in a family that had an unspoken rule of responsibility, elbow grease and no whining.... but I am not sure what happened to people that just expect to do less because someone else will ultimately do it for them.... and we DO! Those of us that have a need to see the job get done, get it done. I have a couple of workers that are my aids in the classroom that are the laziest, cockiest and rudest people I may have ever come in contact with. I don't know if I would ever have the guts to challenge my boss in an unprofessional way, lie about work I have done and show up late every day without apology. I am not great at staff management as I really hate politics and confrontation but I had to go head-to-head with these two this week to ask them to just simply do their jobs. As a result, they both quit- in a "stomp my feet, roll my eyes, Im 17" way. I am actually relieved to have them gone but now have to go through the process of interviewing and training someone new. Now, the rest of the week has been horrible because I have this stomach bug that just wont kick and on my ONE outing out of the house to deliver PROMISED treats to my college class (aka accountability) I got pulled over, given my very FIRST TICKET EVER and now have to appear in court... super....
Coming away from this week I hope that I instill in my own children someday the character and accountability to finish the jobs you start, admit the mistakes you make, respect the people with more experience and work hard to get where you want to be by SHOWING them how valuable you are... never telling them.
Humility, tenacity and tact..... where has it gone??

But since I just complained for too long.... here are some things to be thankful for this terrible week
The school that I work in for backing me
my lovely husband for taking care of a very sick me
my family that made me take responsibility for myself even when it was embarrassing or hard

stump growing

This past weekend I was lucky enough to be able to get out of town with my favorite girls on the planet! My girlfriends from Boston had planned a girls weekend in Chicago and up until a few weeks ago, I didn't think that Mike and I could afford for me to go. However, with a little creativity and frequent flier miles, I scored a FREE ticket!! The trip was incredibly fast for me as I have no flexibility for days off. I flew into Chicago late Friday night and back Sunday morning... wheew- quite the whirlwind... but I am so glad that I had the opportunity to reconnect with these women. All 5 of us work in Deaf education and work(ed) at the Horace Mann School for the Deaf in Boston. These small things give us a lot in common and A LOT of very funny stories. It was great to be around people that already know me since I spend so much time here in Colorado trying to help people get to know me. These girls make me laugh, they support me but know when to tell me that I am being ridiculous and best of all, they fill up my emotional "bucket". All day long, all year long we give back to our students, our school, our peers and our families... we give and we give until sometimes we feel positively empty inside. It is nice to be around others that fill us up, that remind us of our humanity and who will actually TELL us why we are great and appreciated.
We ended up having a discussion about the book "The Giving Tree" and how each of us loved that book as kids.... then we started talking about the message that particular book expresses. Keep in mind that this was all (mostly) in fun as we laughed at ourselves, but we thought about how the tree gives and gives to the boy who keeps taking and taking. The tree literally gives up its whole self because she loved the boy so... and ends up being a stump. Even in the state that the stump is, when the boy needs more the stump gives him all she can by offering him a place to sit. Now, while this a great message of unconditional love and maybe the kind of love that only God or a parent can give... it started to bother us. We all LOVED this book but what kind of a message does this send? Give and give until you have nothing left and then give some more? I am all for unconditional love but there is a lot to say for a friend that loves us back, who fills us up, who helps us re-grow our stumps. I am thankful for these people in my life. Laughing so hard that you cry is the BEST fertilizer.
Who re-grows your stumps?? :o)

My girlies!

Bree and Eric finally were able to make it here for a visit!! Bree had only come once before since we moved here last Aug. but it was during the coldest week on record last December for Jonathan's funeral. I think she thought that this was the coldest place on Earth and it wasn't very convincing to get her to come back. Thankfully we have had a beautiful fall season and so the girls were able to come and experience some cooler weather, leaves changing and fall activities. I go and visit my sister all the time but having their whole family come to my house was a whole new experience. Mike and I are set in our ways, we keep the house just so, we have TV that we watch regularly and we are used to going to bed and waking up on our time table. For a couple that is considering getting into the "kid" game soon, we were pretty floored at the energy and lack of control there was when these three tornadoes got here. How do you handle basically just following little people around, making sure they aren't
1. writing on your walls with marker (which we failed at)
2. finding every dangerous thing that you never knew was dangerous until it is in their mouth or they are running away with it
3. The real and present danger of STAIRS EVERYWHERE IN MY HOME
4. And the fact that rugs under dining tables and play-dough on brand new upholstered chairs do NOT mix

I teach kids all day, every day. I understand the energy that it takes to keep them occupied and I change more diapers than anyone I know.... but doing that when you get home too?? How will I EVER adjust/survive/sleep/have a house that doesn't look like an episode of hoarders???

We had a fabulous time and I love my girlies more than anything... we went to the Cave of the Winds (which we got kicked out halfway through because of the screaming baby). We went to the zoo and the water park and carved pumpkins... so much fun and I am so totally exhausted...
:o)

Pigtails on the Run

My (second) cousin Gracie is 3 years old and has Downs. Last weekend the fam came together to support her and the association here that supports families who have children with Downs. We got t-shirts for our team "pigtails on the run" and went as a large group to the Rockies/Giants game and then onto the walk the next day. It was a great time of family togetherness and supporting our special little gal. I couldn't help but think of the sadness that surrounded us when we found out that Gracie had downs during Megan's pregnancy... and now to have this sweet, smart, special little soul teaching us all about acceptance, triumph and love through anything reminds me that God knows what is best for us. We all have lessons to learn in life and this is one that will always remind me that just when you think you can't, your toughest challenges become your most treasured memories. Thank you miss Gracie for teaching us all that we don't even know how much love and strength we have, only God knows that. Love you Gracie Girl!!

and into fall...

I get progressively worse at posting blogs once I start the school year. This probably has something to do with the 10 children and many needy staff members that my time is devoted to. However.... I am THRILLED to say that I have made it through an entire month and a half without major incident, panic attack, migraine or illness. For those of you who know me well, this is a feat beyond measure. I was so worried that school would steal away my sense of peace found over the summer... and it has in the sense that I have IEPs, parent meetings, screaming kids and lots of poopy diapers... but I feel that I have the ability to detach at the end of the day, come home and feel content. What a blessing this on my life and mike's life. We got to go to Boston last weekend and celebrate our good friends Marty and Jamie's wedding and for the first time in 5 years I was able to let go of the work I was missing and just be present in their special time.



I credit this new-found control to a few different things... almost losing my mind last year and committing to protecting myself from that, my lovely family and friends for saying (over and over and over) that what I do is good enough and I need to save some of myself for my home life too, and to a renewed relationship with God... not that it actually went away but it is true what they say about not being able to have two masters. I allowed my job to master ME last year instead of doing my job through serving God. I am working on remedying this now and trying to refocus my everything. Thanks to all of you that offered me kind, supportive words and believed that I was better than I thought I was.
Yay for Fall, beautiful weather and a peaceful spirit.

best. summer. ever.

At the start of my summer this year I had so many plans... to rejuvenate, get healthy and do things for me. I put a lot of effort into going to the gym and working on projects around the house. I changed many of my eating habits and just the way I look at food. I succeeded in losing almost 10 lbs which made me feel so much better... I feel like purged my body of so many toxins and stressors. I got in shape enough to be working out 6 days a week- biking, running and lifting weights. I worked on two major projects at the house. I put in a small garden out back and renovated the dining room and 1/2 bath. After a month of just focusing on me and feeling like a new person, it was time to have some fun.... now, the backlash of this decision is that my diet went out the window as did my workout routine but I felt like I deserved some serious FUN and I feel like I can get right back into my strict lifestyle now that I am back home. I went to Page for some time at my favorite place on earth- Lake Powell. We went out on the boat every day, saw my family and had some great cookouts. Bree brought the girls up for a few days and I got to spend time with them. Little Mikinzie is getting so big and adorable- I just loved her and her sassiness!! We went on a whim to the Grand Canyon and camped in the Kiabab. Camping with my family might be my favorite thing of all time. Nothing better than laughing so hard that you cry while playing cards near a campfire. Good for my soul.
I also went on a Kayaking trip with the girls in my family. Can I just say that my family rocks... I know that sounds weird but the guys in my family are so cool with their guitar skills, outdoorsman-ness, always laid back attitude and all around awesomeness.... but the girls in our family are outstanding. Not only can they do all that the guys do (with a baby on their hip) but they do it looking fabulous! I was invited on the girls kayak trip down the Colorado river and was pretty nervous about it. These girls rock and are pretty hard core when it comes to roughing it. I thought I would be the baby and hold them back... but in the spirit of doing things for me and finding my inner strength this summer, I not only agreed to the trip but I decided to do the two day trip instead of stopping after one like some of the others. This meant camping out on the river- no tents, just on the sand under the stars- 2 days outside wind, rain or shine....
My experience on this trip was life changing. I know.... sounds crazy but it pushed me to limits that I wasn't sure I could handle. It pushed my body to kayak down the river, it pushed my spirit to put up with the elements even after some ravens stole all of our food, it rained and stormed on us and almost capsized us and it pushed my limits that I set for myself... it was a wake up call to what I am capable of... what my body allows me to do and that I can do it while having the best time of my life. I want to call upon that person later on this year when life seems to take over. I want to tell that stressed out girl- YOU are strong, YOU are capable and work is not who YOU are.... I have the ability to do more than I ever thought... and that feels amazing.
The end of the summer brought friends here to the springs, a housewarming party and lots of love surrounding us in our home. It was amazing for me to look at the people in our house and think- one year ago I didn't know any of you... I guess even in the midst of all of my craziness, friendships bloomed and amazing people came out of the woodwork. I am so thankful for this summer... It makes me emotional as the school year is about to begin. I feel so lucky to have had the time to explore myself, to realize my worth and to have an absolute kick ass time doing it! Here's to a better year, a better me and pushing ourselves to our absolute LIMITS in order to see who we might become!

Here are some highlights of my BEST. SUMMER. EVER.

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part one... DONE

Part one of the re-model is DONE! I got a lot of advice from many different sources so thank you so much to those of you that offered your opinion. After trying a ton of different colors, I realized that I needed to go with warmer tones. Our cabinets are cherry and the cooler shades just weren't going with the feel of the room. I ended up picking a darker color than I thought I would and just did the accent wall along the back of the dining room. The shade is "dill" and I love it. It is just the right temperature for the room and plays off all of the earth tones that I have going on. We also got a new dining room table that I LOOOOVE so that helped tremendously. I am still working on the half bath so I will get those pix posted when I finish it. But for now..... here are the dining room pictures- I think has just transformed the space and looks like we put an addition on the kitchen. Yay for projects that make us happy inside!! haha

fixer upper

Ok, so I know I said that my only project for the summer was going to be ME... and it is... but there are only so many hours in the day you can spend at the gym, making healthy snacks and "relaxing". So let's extend the title of this summer's project to ME and things that make ME happy... :o)
I love, LOVE my new house. it is cozy but big enough for guests, looks nice when I clean it and has a ton of potential... hmmm potential. Although I love almost everything about it's charm, neutrality and "do nothing to me and I still look great" qualities, it needs more "me" in it. I would say it needs more "us" but Mike has insisted that he could care less about color scheme or wall hangings, so I guess I'm on my own in the style department. I am excited but nervous to make changes because I don't want to mess up an already good thing or cheapen the look of the house. I have put a lot of thought into the things that bother me the most and I really want to work on the boring dining room and the even worse 1/2 bathroom on the main floor. I have a bigger project for our big and VERY empty front room but that will have to wait until we can budget for some furniture ;o)
For now, I am thinking paint and wall hangings- we still have a ton of cute stuff left over from our wedding that we have yet to put up due to severe lack of space. I refused to give it up and trucked it (literally) all the way from Massachusetts knowing that I would have a cute wall to put it up on one day ;o) The walls just need a little warmth and color to break up the (very pretty) but all over color of "toasted almond".
As I am working alone on this endeavor- feedback and suggestions are welcomed... you know when you just need someone else to tell you its right or not quite right? Well I have no one here to help me with that, so girlfriends- help a sister out!! I'll post pics as I go along and I hope to hear back from one or two of you with some stylin' advice!

ok: update... out of these two colors I REALLY thought I wanted the darker (olive green) color... but once they dried, I think it is too dark for these spaces. They tend to be darker parts of the house anyway and I don't want to make them blah... however I am not sold on the lighter... I may head back to the depot to find something in between... stay tuned

Balance

One whole week into summer vacation and I am already used to this lifestyle :o) Just the freedom of having my own time, my own schedule, my own life back is fantastic. I was so used to being dictated by the lives and families of 3 and 4 year olds that I forgot that I have my own life and family. Every summer I try to take on a "project" that I focus my energies on so that I am not just catching up on trash tv that I missed while I was teaching all year {not that I DONT catch up on a few guilty pleasure shows but I am determined not to be couch bound}. One summer we got our dog, Meli. I spent the whole summer training her and working with her so that she would be the angel she is today by the time I went back to work. Last summer we moved and I worked on my 10 year reunion. This year, I decided that my project needs to be ME. Sounds funny when I type that "out loud". I just need some time to put myself first. I have literally stopped exercising since I moved here- HORRIBLE I know but there just were not enough hours in the day (how people work, work-out and have children I will NEVER know). I do not feel comfortable in my body (let alone my clothing) which is a very hard thing for me. Weight is a topic that I struggle with daily, that I have struggled with since I was 15 and it is time to put "healthy" above anything else on my to-do list.
To me, healthy means:
~ Peace.... I want to breathe, read and enjoy
~ Strength... I want to be in control of my body... what goes in it and what I am able to do with it {strength in muscle and will power}
~ Cleansing... I want to choose food that will drive me, nourish me and make me just FEEL better
~ Forgiveness... I want to excuse myself for the past year... for not giving to myself like I should... and to focus on where I will go from here, not how stagnant things became... to stop beating myself up for how I DON'T look.

These are, for one reason or another, very big mountains for me to climb. I tend to justify focusing on others but not taking care of my own needs... I need to remember that I am worthless to others if I am not whole.

The Plan:
lots of jogging, pilates, vegetables, books and water
less stress, guilt, tears, food that makes me feel bad but less feeling bad if I need to indulge...
more time with Mike, my dog, my garden

time to feel BETTER and find my BALANCE :o)

preschool graduation

The year is over.... I did my part to support, love and teach these little ones the best way I know how. We had a wonderful celebration of achievement and support at their graduation and it was truly a gratifying moment for me. To stand up in front of families and staff and recognize the challenging year that we had.
I am so ready for some down time, some me time but what is better than 4 year olds in graduation caps, being proud of themselves...
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it SHINE"
Hoping these kids shine always...

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A year in review

I know that typically the year ends in December but these days, my calendar seems to flow with that of the public school district that I am employed by. We are (thankfully) coming to the end of this (can I say dreadful?) year and looking back I realize just how life changing this year has been. One year ago, Mike and I were preparing for our move to Colorado and I was extremely excited about my new job at the Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind. We not only packed up our lives there and drove our meager belongings across the country but we said goodbye to our only home together and all of our (wonderful) mutual friends. There was no friend group or family ties in the Springs and we felt like we were just asking to drive each other crazy... no girlfriends to distract me, no Bentley buddies for a boys night out. I also "threw together" the PHS 10 year class reunion during my move and then welcomed my newest niece to the "Bree and Eric Scott gang".
My job here has been challenging at best and nightmarish at worst. It was nothing like I expected and had all of the ingredients to drive someone with people pleasing and perfectionist tendencies to the brink of a breakdown. As I mentioned, I have no girlfriends here to pull me aside for some laughs or advice as I was used to with my friends and coworkers at Horace Mann... I just dove into teaching and preschool-ness with my whole self and am still waiting for this coming Tuesday (graduation) to come up for air. It has swallowed me whole in an unfair and overwhelming way with too many expectations and zero credit. I have loved my time with the kids, they are funny and precious and difficult... I have been given so many challenges that I have triumphed over that you can't feel anything but amazing about the kids... the KIDS... but the as so often happens, the adults in my life need boundaries and I am just now coming to terms with the damage this year has done to me. In the midst of all of this insanity, Jonathan died. My cousin, the closest relative that I had here, just 45 minutes away in Denver, the one that I was going to "get around to hanging out with" was killed in a car accident. Everything just kind of went away from Thanksgiving through January. I spent too many nights sobbing at my computer as I tried to find the right words to support his wife but not succeeding as my heart shattered at the thought of her sorrow... Mike and I are a young couple with no kids, 2 cats and a golden retriever that is our substitute child... just like Brie and Jonathan...
I took a stand at my job- I went through the terrifying and exhausting process of speaking out against my boss. Providing documentation and witness of the corruptness and was successful... sort of.... I am still fighting.
Mike and I bought a house- a wonderful, beautiful, makes-me-happy to come home house which was the start of my wake up call to the life that had been smothered by my job... I wanted to come home again, to have things for ME again.
Kellen and Janelle decided that they would serve a mission in Zambia for one year to share their faith and help people there build better healthcare facilities and farms for themselves... we said goodbye to them earlier this month.
I turned 29... 29!!! this is getting serious...
So as I look to this upcoming week, I am ready for a break. I am ready to be in my home with my husband that I appreciate so much. He has taken care of me and listened to me, comforted me and gotten furious for me. It is time to give back to him...
We have come so far this year... births and deaths, new homes, new friends and new adventures...
its time for another change... to take care of me....
Here are some pictures of the year... The T-shirt is of Jonathan's fishing guide company that he was starting...

my first turkey

Mike and I decided to stay home for Easter this year, we were planning on going to see Kellen and Janelle before they take off for Africa for a year but the mountain weather and my immune system made the decision for us. Despite my under the weather-ness, I decided this would be a great time to try out my culinary skills and test out turkey cooking. I have never done it before because it seems so intimidating and only something someone with mad kitchen skills should try... but I have been doing more and more cooking lately and have some REALLY cute platters I got from the in-laws that I have been dying to use. So why not, right? Have you ever looked on the internet for advice on how to cook a turkey?!?! GOODNESS- you could do it 800 different ways! I tried to stay simple but have lots of flavor and I only made one (minor) mistake.... I didn't know where the stupid giblets were and so just figured my turkey didn't have any.... uh no. After cooking it for 2 hours I ran across an article that said to take the giblets out of the TURKEY NECK.... WHAT?!?! who would ever know those little guys were hidden there? dang- but luckily I guess its not a big deal, I thought for sure the whole thing was ruined.
In the end, the turkey turned out REALLY well and was not as complicated as I originally thought. yay for trying new things!!!
Now who is going to clean up this enormous mess? hahaha
Here are some pics of the bird, the table, a very sick and ugly me, and the project mike was slaving away on all day while I was cooking (we are trying to finish our fence)
Happy Easter all my friends and family

Home Sweet Home

Luckily I have a fantastic family that always comes to my rescue when I need movers and decorators. This past week was my spring break from work and my mom and dad were great enough to come up to help us get ourselves together in order to decorate this place. I have been very cautious about putting anything up on the walls or buying much of anything because I am so worried that I will mess up the beautiful simplicity that this house has naturally. I didn't want to put things up just to have things up. We are nowhere near finished because I want to hold out for just the right things (hence no dining room pictures). But the things we did get I think fit with my taste of warm colors and textures. I love flowers and leaves and tried to incorporate them without going overboard. Thank you to my mom for pushing me to go outside my box while encouraging my personal style. I am particularly happy with the bedroom set up and the large picture in the family room. This picture is special because it is of a place in Tuscany that I visited when I went abroad. I have wanted a picture that captured the warmth of Italy and I think this picture is perfect as a focal point. So, we are still very much a work in progress here but at least we have some direction. Starting to really feel like home :o)