Pigtails on the Run

My (second) cousin Gracie is 3 years old and has Downs. Last weekend the fam came together to support her and the association here that supports families who have children with Downs. We got t-shirts for our team "pigtails on the run" and went as a large group to the Rockies/Giants game and then onto the walk the next day. It was a great time of family togetherness and supporting our special little gal. I couldn't help but think of the sadness that surrounded us when we found out that Gracie had downs during Megan's pregnancy... and now to have this sweet, smart, special little soul teaching us all about acceptance, triumph and love through anything reminds me that God knows what is best for us. We all have lessons to learn in life and this is one that will always remind me that just when you think you can't, your toughest challenges become your most treasured memories. Thank you miss Gracie for teaching us all that we don't even know how much love and strength we have, only God knows that. Love you Gracie Girl!!

and into fall...

I get progressively worse at posting blogs once I start the school year. This probably has something to do with the 10 children and many needy staff members that my time is devoted to. However.... I am THRILLED to say that I have made it through an entire month and a half without major incident, panic attack, migraine or illness. For those of you who know me well, this is a feat beyond measure. I was so worried that school would steal away my sense of peace found over the summer... and it has in the sense that I have IEPs, parent meetings, screaming kids and lots of poopy diapers... but I feel that I have the ability to detach at the end of the day, come home and feel content. What a blessing this on my life and mike's life. We got to go to Boston last weekend and celebrate our good friends Marty and Jamie's wedding and for the first time in 5 years I was able to let go of the work I was missing and just be present in their special time.



I credit this new-found control to a few different things... almost losing my mind last year and committing to protecting myself from that, my lovely family and friends for saying (over and over and over) that what I do is good enough and I need to save some of myself for my home life too, and to a renewed relationship with God... not that it actually went away but it is true what they say about not being able to have two masters. I allowed my job to master ME last year instead of doing my job through serving God. I am working on remedying this now and trying to refocus my everything. Thanks to all of you that offered me kind, supportive words and believed that I was better than I thought I was.
Yay for Fall, beautiful weather and a peaceful spirit.

best. summer. ever.

At the start of my summer this year I had so many plans... to rejuvenate, get healthy and do things for me. I put a lot of effort into going to the gym and working on projects around the house. I changed many of my eating habits and just the way I look at food. I succeeded in losing almost 10 lbs which made me feel so much better... I feel like purged my body of so many toxins and stressors. I got in shape enough to be working out 6 days a week- biking, running and lifting weights. I worked on two major projects at the house. I put in a small garden out back and renovated the dining room and 1/2 bath. After a month of just focusing on me and feeling like a new person, it was time to have some fun.... now, the backlash of this decision is that my diet went out the window as did my workout routine but I felt like I deserved some serious FUN and I feel like I can get right back into my strict lifestyle now that I am back home. I went to Page for some time at my favorite place on earth- Lake Powell. We went out on the boat every day, saw my family and had some great cookouts. Bree brought the girls up for a few days and I got to spend time with them. Little Mikinzie is getting so big and adorable- I just loved her and her sassiness!! We went on a whim to the Grand Canyon and camped in the Kiabab. Camping with my family might be my favorite thing of all time. Nothing better than laughing so hard that you cry while playing cards near a campfire. Good for my soul.
I also went on a Kayaking trip with the girls in my family. Can I just say that my family rocks... I know that sounds weird but the guys in my family are so cool with their guitar skills, outdoorsman-ness, always laid back attitude and all around awesomeness.... but the girls in our family are outstanding. Not only can they do all that the guys do (with a baby on their hip) but they do it looking fabulous! I was invited on the girls kayak trip down the Colorado river and was pretty nervous about it. These girls rock and are pretty hard core when it comes to roughing it. I thought I would be the baby and hold them back... but in the spirit of doing things for me and finding my inner strength this summer, I not only agreed to the trip but I decided to do the two day trip instead of stopping after one like some of the others. This meant camping out on the river- no tents, just on the sand under the stars- 2 days outside wind, rain or shine....
My experience on this trip was life changing. I know.... sounds crazy but it pushed me to limits that I wasn't sure I could handle. It pushed my body to kayak down the river, it pushed my spirit to put up with the elements even after some ravens stole all of our food, it rained and stormed on us and almost capsized us and it pushed my limits that I set for myself... it was a wake up call to what I am capable of... what my body allows me to do and that I can do it while having the best time of my life. I want to call upon that person later on this year when life seems to take over. I want to tell that stressed out girl- YOU are strong, YOU are capable and work is not who YOU are.... I have the ability to do more than I ever thought... and that feels amazing.
The end of the summer brought friends here to the springs, a housewarming party and lots of love surrounding us in our home. It was amazing for me to look at the people in our house and think- one year ago I didn't know any of you... I guess even in the midst of all of my craziness, friendships bloomed and amazing people came out of the woodwork. I am so thankful for this summer... It makes me emotional as the school year is about to begin. I feel so lucky to have had the time to explore myself, to realize my worth and to have an absolute kick ass time doing it! Here's to a better year, a better me and pushing ourselves to our absolute LIMITS in order to see who we might become!

Here are some highlights of my BEST. SUMMER. EVER.

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part one... DONE

Part one of the re-model is DONE! I got a lot of advice from many different sources so thank you so much to those of you that offered your opinion. After trying a ton of different colors, I realized that I needed to go with warmer tones. Our cabinets are cherry and the cooler shades just weren't going with the feel of the room. I ended up picking a darker color than I thought I would and just did the accent wall along the back of the dining room. The shade is "dill" and I love it. It is just the right temperature for the room and plays off all of the earth tones that I have going on. We also got a new dining room table that I LOOOOVE so that helped tremendously. I am still working on the half bath so I will get those pix posted when I finish it. But for now..... here are the dining room pictures- I think has just transformed the space and looks like we put an addition on the kitchen. Yay for projects that make us happy inside!! haha

fixer upper

Ok, so I know I said that my only project for the summer was going to be ME... and it is... but there are only so many hours in the day you can spend at the gym, making healthy snacks and "relaxing". So let's extend the title of this summer's project to ME and things that make ME happy... :o)
I love, LOVE my new house. it is cozy but big enough for guests, looks nice when I clean it and has a ton of potential... hmmm potential. Although I love almost everything about it's charm, neutrality and "do nothing to me and I still look great" qualities, it needs more "me" in it. I would say it needs more "us" but Mike has insisted that he could care less about color scheme or wall hangings, so I guess I'm on my own in the style department. I am excited but nervous to make changes because I don't want to mess up an already good thing or cheapen the look of the house. I have put a lot of thought into the things that bother me the most and I really want to work on the boring dining room and the even worse 1/2 bathroom on the main floor. I have a bigger project for our big and VERY empty front room but that will have to wait until we can budget for some furniture ;o)
For now, I am thinking paint and wall hangings- we still have a ton of cute stuff left over from our wedding that we have yet to put up due to severe lack of space. I refused to give it up and trucked it (literally) all the way from Massachusetts knowing that I would have a cute wall to put it up on one day ;o) The walls just need a little warmth and color to break up the (very pretty) but all over color of "toasted almond".
As I am working alone on this endeavor- feedback and suggestions are welcomed... you know when you just need someone else to tell you its right or not quite right? Well I have no one here to help me with that, so girlfriends- help a sister out!! I'll post pics as I go along and I hope to hear back from one or two of you with some stylin' advice!

ok: update... out of these two colors I REALLY thought I wanted the darker (olive green) color... but once they dried, I think it is too dark for these spaces. They tend to be darker parts of the house anyway and I don't want to make them blah... however I am not sold on the lighter... I may head back to the depot to find something in between... stay tuned

Balance

One whole week into summer vacation and I am already used to this lifestyle :o) Just the freedom of having my own time, my own schedule, my own life back is fantastic. I was so used to being dictated by the lives and families of 3 and 4 year olds that I forgot that I have my own life and family. Every summer I try to take on a "project" that I focus my energies on so that I am not just catching up on trash tv that I missed while I was teaching all year {not that I DONT catch up on a few guilty pleasure shows but I am determined not to be couch bound}. One summer we got our dog, Meli. I spent the whole summer training her and working with her so that she would be the angel she is today by the time I went back to work. Last summer we moved and I worked on my 10 year reunion. This year, I decided that my project needs to be ME. Sounds funny when I type that "out loud". I just need some time to put myself first. I have literally stopped exercising since I moved here- HORRIBLE I know but there just were not enough hours in the day (how people work, work-out and have children I will NEVER know). I do not feel comfortable in my body (let alone my clothing) which is a very hard thing for me. Weight is a topic that I struggle with daily, that I have struggled with since I was 15 and it is time to put "healthy" above anything else on my to-do list.
To me, healthy means:
~ Peace.... I want to breathe, read and enjoy
~ Strength... I want to be in control of my body... what goes in it and what I am able to do with it {strength in muscle and will power}
~ Cleansing... I want to choose food that will drive me, nourish me and make me just FEEL better
~ Forgiveness... I want to excuse myself for the past year... for not giving to myself like I should... and to focus on where I will go from here, not how stagnant things became... to stop beating myself up for how I DON'T look.

These are, for one reason or another, very big mountains for me to climb. I tend to justify focusing on others but not taking care of my own needs... I need to remember that I am worthless to others if I am not whole.

The Plan:
lots of jogging, pilates, vegetables, books and water
less stress, guilt, tears, food that makes me feel bad but less feeling bad if I need to indulge...
more time with Mike, my dog, my garden

time to feel BETTER and find my BALANCE :o)

preschool graduation

The year is over.... I did my part to support, love and teach these little ones the best way I know how. We had a wonderful celebration of achievement and support at their graduation and it was truly a gratifying moment for me. To stand up in front of families and staff and recognize the challenging year that we had.
I am so ready for some down time, some me time but what is better than 4 year olds in graduation caps, being proud of themselves...
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it SHINE"
Hoping these kids shine always...

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